How to Break the Game
by guildsbounty
Summary: I can think of very few settings where the introduction of an Exalted wouldn't gleefully wreck the established setting. But, as breaking settings for hilarity and profit is fun, I figure I may as well go break a few.


A/N: For those of you unfamiliar with this Charm...it is a piece of Sidereal Martial Arts that is almost always banned from games because of what it can do. To paraphrase: "With a touch, you fundamentally alter the existence of your target." It is widely considered to be among the most broken abilities in a system full of game-breaking abilities.

* * *

"HAAAAAAAAA!"

Bulging muscles and popped veins

"HAAAAAAAAA!"

A massive glowing aura of power

"HAAAAAAAAA!"

Two hours later…

"HAAAAAAAAA!"

A small framed, pink-skinned figure charges up a gigantic ball of energy.

"He's going to destroy the Earth!"

Suddenly, a figure leapt out of one of the Z-Warriors' shiny golden hair and crossed the distance to the overpowered enemy faster than anyone could register what was happening. Then the figure poked the pink-skinned Majin on the nose.

"Boop."

"Quack" said the completely normal duck named Buu.

The figure grins, then was never there to begin with.

* * *

"Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived...come to die. Avada Ka-"

"Boop."

The snake-faced Dark Lord winked out of existence, leaving everyone standing around wondering why they were in a forest.

* * *

"Why would a Starfleet admiral ask a three-hundred-year-old frozen man for help?"

"Because I am better."

"At what?"

The captive sneered, "Everything."

"Boop."

Then the captive shifted his weight to one hip, and put a finger on his lips, then spoke again, "Especially flower arranging, which is and has always been my lifelong passion."

* * *

A vast sea of molten gold flowed out and buried the great dragon. For a brief, hope filled moment, the flow of gold stilled. Then it erupted, and the dragon hurled himself into the sky.

"Revenge? REVENGE? I will show you revenge!"

Whirling to fling the gold from his body, Smaug, Chiefest and Greatest of All Calamities, turned towards Laketown.

"I am fire! I am…"

"Boop"

"...going to equitably distribute all of this ludicrous wealth that I have been stockpiling. I mean, what sort of philanthropist would I _be _if I just _kept_ it all!?"

* * *

Face painted, dressed in a bright purple suit, The Joker stalked around the table.

"It's simple...we, uh, _kill_ the _bat_man_._"

The mobsters he was addressing started laughing at him, "If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already?"

"If you're good at something, never do it for-"

"Boop"

:Squeak-y:

The mobsters looked at each other, perplexed. How had a Bozo the Clown Bop Bag managed to interrupt their meeting?

* * *

Golden haired and proud, Joffrey Baratheon stood, lording over the sick and injured Lord Eddard Stark, sneering at all those lesser than himself (which was, frankly, everyone.)

"My mother wishes me to let Lord Eddard join the Night's Watch. Stripped of all titles and powers, he would serve the realm in permanent exile. And my Lady Sansa has begged mercy for her father. But they have the soft hearts of women. So long as I am your king..."

"Boop"

"I will act with more sense than that. I have reviewed all of the evidence presented by Lord Stark and find his conclusions to make far too much sense."

The crowd stirred, and Queen Cersei Lannister stared at her son in confusion.

"Therefore, as I am an honorable and just person, I am ordering a full investigation into this matter, and if it is proven true, that I am not the trueborn son of Robert Baratheon, I shall willingly step down from the throne. In the meantime, I order that Lord Eddard Stark be given the very best of medical treatment, and is to resume his place as Hand of the King...set to rule in my stead as Regent until the proper line of succession is determined. I am a young boy, and not practiced in the art of ruling a kingdom, much less seven."

* * *

"AT Field Verified. Analysis: Pattern Blue!"

"It's an Ang-"

"Boop"

"el? Um...okay, actually it's a tree. Just a tree. Not even a very nice tree. Um, stand down, I guess?

* * *

"The Titans have breached Wall Maria! Everybody Panic!"

"Grandmother Spider Mastery, aaaaand Omni-Boop!"

"Never mind! False Alarm! Must have been an accident or something that left a huge hole in the wall. But, since there haven't been any Titans within sight of the walls lately, just a bunch of cows, we can patch the hole and get on with life."

A/N: Grandmother Spider Mastery lets you apply a charm to every target within your line of sight, simultaneously.

* * *

"Sir! Terminators are attacking!"

…

Meanwhile...at Skynet's Central Core…

"Boop."

…

John Connor sighed, "Again? That's the third time this week that those things have come around to dispense hugs! It's getting a little annoying."

* * *

"The Ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin by any craft that we here possess. The Ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came."

Silence hung in the air for a moment…

"Boop!"

"Or, I suppose we could just place it in a pipe, bury it in pipe weed, and then smoke it, as that will unmake it as well."

Pippin leapt to his feet, "Ooh! Me! Pick Me!"

* * *

"People of Panem…"

"Boop."

"The Hunger Games are cancelled, and I am stopping the systematic oppression of the Districts. Have a nice day!"

* * *

Standing in a digital field, a red haired player avatar flicked his hand through the air, summoning a menu in front of him.

"Huh? Where'd the logout button go?"

"It should be there."

"Nope, it's not there."

The black haired avatar standing near him summoned his own menu, "It should be at the bottom of the main menu. Huh?"

"See, not there."

"You're right, it's not."

"Oh well. Today's, what, the first day out of beta? Bound to be some bugs! I bet the server people are freaking out right now!"

Boop.

"Oh! There it is, it's back! Weird glitch, I guess. Anyway, see ya later!"

"Okay, enjoy your pizza!"

The red-haired avatar disappeared in a blur of pixels, and the black-haired one went back to killing pigs.


End file.
